Sunday, July 29, 2012


I am so frustrated - not with any part of the adoption process - I am frustrated with MYSELF!

We had our first meeting with our Social Worker on Friday, July 6.  She did our home visit less than a week later and we just had our last visit with her on Friday, July 27.  Everything, and I mean everything, has happened at lightning speed - just as I have prayed it would.  All of our background checks, our CPS checks, our reference letters - everything - is back.  All that is left if for the Social Worker to write the actual home study.

You are probably wondering why I would be frustrated.  I'm frustrated with myself because of my doubt.  At several points over the last couple of weeks I have doubted that things would pull through.  Here are a couple of examples:

1. My mother's physical - because my mother is living with us during the home study, she is require to get a physical.  Her doctor of 12 years moved practices and the new doctor that took her place decided she would not do it - even though my mother was just seen last month.  So, she went to Patient First (doc in a box) where we were assured she would be able to get her physical completed.  They said no - she has TO MUCH medical history for them to sign off on er physical - unless they had her full medical record.  Our last chance was the endocrinologist.  Finally, someone agreed to do her physical!  I received it in the mail yesterday and I was overcome with a sense of relief!  Then, I heard the small voice, "Oh you of little faith, why did you doubt?"  

2. FBI Background & CPS checks - Our Social Worker said our checks would be done within 3 weeks.  I belong to this facebook group where people talk about everything to go with their adoptions in the Congo.  Some people had already been waiting 8 WEEKS (!!) for theirs.  I almost flipped out!  8 weeks is unacceptable.  I called the FBI -ours were not even received yet.  I was like, "Why would the Social Worker says 3 weeks when the FBI says between  -12 weeks?"  I was so upset!  I can't wait that long!  Well, on Friday, our FBI checks had already come in!  They use a expedited service through the state, so it was quick.  The, I heard it again, "Oh you of little faith, why did you doubt?"

Those are just two examples from the last two weeks.  I could give countless more...yet, I grow frustrated with myself.  Why?  Why do I doubt?  30 days ago EXACTLY I was 150% sure that it was God's plan for our lives to adopt a child from the Democratic Republic of Congo, so why would I doubt that God would see this through?

Every time God has conquered what I thought was impossible.  Yet, at the first sign that something might not go as planned I doubt the validity of this whole process. 

I'm really embarrassed.  I sit in church and sing praise to my God, I talk to others about how GREAT my God is, I tout a "personal relationship", I trust him for my eternity - yet, still when the going gets tough - I doubt! UGH!      

I tell you - it is very humbling to hear, "Oh you of little faith, why did you doubt?"  It reminds me that even though I am not what I once was, I am still not the person God is trying to make me.

The next time I begin to doubt, I will say to myself, "As you have believed, it will be done"!  There is not one single thing that the God who raised my Saviour from the dead can not fix!  I praise God for forgiveness an for his renewed grace every single day!  

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