Man vs. Woman

To say that I was hesitant about adopting would be an understatement.  We had been "done" with kids for 5 years now, we were just starting to enjoy the prospect of no daycare costs, making plans with the money we would be saving, etc.  We were settling in to our comfortable suburban lifestyle, why would we want to upset the apple cart?  I mean, we had thrown around the idea of one day maybe adopting a little girl, but that day was always far far away, so why now?   Because God had other plans...

We mentioned in Our Story about a class that we took through our church called Experiencing God.  Through this class, our eyes and hearts were opened to who God really is and how we are to interact with Him.  One huge takeaway from this class for us was that instead of asking God "what is your plan for my life?" you should actually be asking "where can I join God in where He is already working around me?"  This was a huge idealogical shift for us, and we began to open ourselves up and make ourselves available to where we saw God working in our midst.  Towards the end of this class, Christy went on a missions trip with the church to Brazil where she experienced first-hand the poverty and strife that children of a third-world country live with.  I already knew before she even came back that she was going to be fired up to do something in regards to missions;  we had already been feeling like we were being nudged towards missionary work.  What I didn't anticipate is that God would completely break her heart for the children, and the wheels that would be set in motion because of that trip. 

I've titled this post Man vs. Woman because a large part of my hesitation was because I wasn't experiencing the emotion that Christy was when faced with the prospect of actually adopting.  She was already feeling it, 100%, and yet I was doubting the idea, rationalizing reasons not to, and trying to work out the logistics in my head of adding another child to our family.  After praying about it, having many conversations with Christy about her experiences and seeing the passion in her eyes for this, I knew intellectually that this was the right decision...yet my heart just wasn't feeling it, and this concerned me.  Did this mean that it wasn't the right thing?  That this wasn't God's will for us?  Many questions and doubts lingered in my head.  An old friend of mine, whom I knew had just recently adopted a little boy from China with his wife, popped into my head and I knew I needed to talk to him.  We spoke on a Friday afternoon and made plans to have breakfast on the following Tuesday morning.  By the time that I got home, our wives had spoken and changed our plans to meet the very next morning for coffee...someone definately wanted us to meet and soon!  That night, we had some very violent thunderstorms that knocked out power to both of our homes and many more, but we still found a way to meet....someone else desperately didn't want us to meet, and now I understand why.  During our conversation, all of my questions where answered, all of my fears were calmed, and he told me that for a man, it's usually not a decision of the heart, that it's usually an intellectual decision and your heart follows afterward.  This happened for him and for many other men that have adopted that he's spoken to.  And to be honest, once I looked back at the decision to have our own children, it was the same way as well.  What a relief!  God was definately speaking through him to me...

Since then I've had this peace about our decision to adopt, and I can even feel my heart getting excited about the prospect.  I think that my quick change in heart has even suprised Christy a little bit, but in reality, all I really needed was to know that she and I would take different paths to the same conclusion;  we have been blessed with so much, and when face with the reality that every child deserves a mom and a dad, we cannot turn a blind eye to where God is leading us. 

Last night we went over to that couple's house for dinner and played with their new son.  Watching their family interact with him and seeing the joy on his face that he now had a home, and more importantly a mom and a dad that loved him, made me yearn for the day when we could do the same for another.  We are at the beginning of our journey, one that is sure to be long and difficult, but we're excitedly waiting with outstretched arms for whatever child God blesses us with...